Adventures In Parodyverse: Secrets Part 1

NOTE: I started writing this about a week ago, so parts of it may be out of date or inaccurate. I hope it's not too bad.

Adventures In Parodyverse - Secrets Part 1

    "Thanks, FA," Hatman absent-mindedly mumbled as a mug was placed on the desk next to him. He tasted the beverage, and got a pleasant surprise - it was Liu Xi's hot cocoa with...whatever secret ingredient she used to make it tastier. He turned around and saw the smiling Chinese girl standing next to him.

    "I suppose that answers my question," she quickly noted. "I heard you hired someone. Congratulations."

    "Thanks," Hatman replied. "Though I'm going to miss the cocoa. And the coffee."

    "I'll still make them for you." Liu Xi walked around to the other side of the desk and sat politely in one of the two guest chairs. "I'm happy you found someone, it takes a lot of pressure off of me." She laughed slightly as she added, "And Fashion Accessory will look better, with much nicer clothing."

    "That won't really matter unless we have a formal meeting with someone from outside," Hatman pointed out. He paused and looked at the door when he heard a gentle knock on the doorway. It was Fashion Accessory.

    "Hey Hatty, someone just kinda showed up asking for you. She's here for an interview."

    "The interviews are over," Hatman replied. "There was only one job to fill and you got it."

    "Yeah, I know but...you've got to see this, Hatty."

    Hatman looked at Liu Xi, who immediately moved to the other end of the office where there was a couch and a plush chair Mumphrey used to use for reading. She took the chair and curled up with a book, intent on eavesdropping discreetly.

    "Fine," Hatman finally said, "Send her in, I'll tell her myself."

    Immediately after FA left the room, a young woman with bright pink, fluffed hair resembling a cat's fur coat entered the room, wearing what seemed to be a full-body purple sweatsuit, matching her eyes. The one feature that seemed to keep Hatman's attention was that she had two cat ears poking through the pink hair.

    "Umm..." Hatman said, his brain failing to deliver the words.

    "I was told you can help a kitty down on her luck," the young woman said very smoothly in a hushed and steady voice. "You can call me Violet, by the way. I'm also known as Part-Time Cat." She shook her head and lowered it sadly, sounding a little defeated as she added, "But no one I say that to has ever heard of me."

    "I uh...the job's been filled. Sorry." Hatman shrugged. He felt uneasy, unsure of what exactly to do with a catgirl in his presence.

    "Here's her file." FA dutifully handed Hatman a file. She noted that Liu Xi wasn't even pretending to read anymore, she was just staring.

    "Part-Time Cat," Hatman read from the file. "Oh. You're called that because you worked several part time jobs in Mangatown."

    "That's a lie!" Violet snapped suddenly. It was at that point Hatman noticed she had longer and sharper front teeth than an average human. "I only worked one part time job in Mangatown."

    "Oh? Maybe we can use it as a reference if another position opens up here." Hatman tried his best to be encouraging.

    "I don't see how," Violet replied, sounding more miffed than ever. She mumbled something about what the job used to entail, but not loud enough for anyone to hear.

    "Pardon?" Hatman asked, leaning closer to hear.

    The catgirl rolled her eyes and repeated louder. "I was a dancer. On roller skates."

    "An exotic dancer?" FA asked.

    "Hell no!" Violet replied angrily, and somewhat high-pitched, showing those unusual teeth again in the process. "What kind of kitty do you think I am? It was theater!"

    "Oh, you're an actress!" Hatman realized. That explained her dramatic tendencies perfectly.

    "Duh," Violet responded with a scoff, rolling her eyes again. "Look, Q and A is over. I got things to do." She looked at FA, then at Liu Xi, before giving Hatman a sly smile. She walked over to him with perfect grace, and stood uncomfortably close to him, quite obviously flirting. "So is there something for me to do or not?" she asked in a childlike voice.

    Hatman then realized she also had a tail. It whipped against his legs once or twice as she stood close. "I'll call you if anything comes up...I mean, if any positions become available...I mean--"

    Liu Xi giggled at that point, but tried to be discreet about it.

    "--Just leave contact information with Fashion Accessory, please." Hatman finished the sentence, quickly regaining his composure.

    "You've been very nice," Violet said. She punctuated that with a toothy smile and what sounded like a subtle growl. With another flick of the tail, she raised her chin and proudly strutted out of the office with FA close behind.

    Once FA returned without the catgirl, she noticed Hatman sitting at the desk, his forehead resting in his hands. Liu Xi was next to him rubbing his shoulders gently.

    "Why do I have the feeling Dominic is somewhere laughing his butt off?" Hatman asked Liu Xi and FA.

---

    "Oh, so you lift weights."

    Mr. Epitome nearly dropped the heavy diesel generator he was lifting at the sound of those words from Yuki Shiro. He thought he was safe trying to work out in Al B Harper's huge spare equipment shed behind the Lair Mansion. Apparently not safe enough. "Have to keep in shape," he noted, sounding annoyed at the interruption.

    "Yeah, I guess fighting with Hatman isn't challenging enough." Yuki's arms were folded, and Epitome noticed for the first time that there was an impatient edge to her voice.

    He put down the generator and stood slowly, looking Yuki in the eye. Or down to her eye, at least, since he was much taller. "Would you mind getting to the point? I'm busy."

    "Ever hear the saying, 'It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye'?" Yuki asked as she handed him a towel.

    "Maybe." Epitome shrugged as he toweled off some of the grease that leaked out of the diesel generator. "It's not something for you to worry about, Yuki. Hatman and I both know what we're doing, and what we're getting into. Nobody's going to lose an eye."

    "What about Lara Night? She tried to stop you two this morning before you destroyed the garage."

    "It was just chance that she was out there," he replied quickly. "And she needs to mind her own business."

    "Just chance. Yeah." Yuki folded her arms again and frowned. "Lara can use shields to protect herself, you know. What if 'chance' brought Samantha Featherstone to the garage to take a look at the the cool cars? What if she's brave enough to ask you to stop?"

    Epitome frowned and turned away from Yuki. "You made your point. Now if you don't mind I'd like to stick to my excersize program."

    "One more thing, and then I'll go," Yuki stepped toward him to stop him. "My bike was in that garage--"

    "I know. We were careful to avoid it," Epitome interrupted.

    "Hmm. Just so long as you know what'll happen if it even gets scratched," Yuki warned him.

    "Just out of curiosity," Epitome challenged, smiling out of the corner of his mouth as he asked. "What would happen? I'm am invulnerable, you know."

    "I know," she echoed. Yuki looked up toward the ceiling. "I'm sure your...delicate parts...are invulnerable enough too." She returned a sly grin and turned to leave the shed.

    When Mr. Epitome looked up he cringed as he realized that she was looking at a roof-mounted crane with clamp-like jaws. "Yuki," he called after her just before she walked out the door. "Did you threaten Hatman like this too?"

    "Nah, he's easy," Yuki told him. "All I have to do is make him feel guilty and he tortures himself."

    "Sounds like him," Epitome laughed and put the towel around his neck, and prepared for the next stage of his workout.

    "What was the fight about, anyway?" Yuki asked one last question.

    "I dunno." Epitome shrugged. "Something about being sick of my pranks, and a catgirl. I didn't know what he was talking about, but he hit me before I could tell him that."

    "Men." Yuki rolled her eyes and shrugged as she left the equipment shed.

---

    Lara Night strolled into Hatman's office, smiling, not really looking up until she was past the doorway. Once she looked at Hatman her smile disappeared, and she seemed stunned at what she saw. "Wow...are you okay?"

    "I'm fine." After being reminded of his swollen eye, he picked up the ice pack on the desk next to him and pressed it against his face. "It'll be gone in a day or so." He leaned away from Lara as she moved closer to look. "Don't touch it, please, it's still sore."

    "Trust me," she told him. She took the ice pack from him and placed it back on the desk, and then pressed her warm hand against his face.

    "Oww, Lara, that--" Jay pulled away from her quickly, but then realized that his face was no longer hurting. He picked up Mumphrey's letter opener and tried to examine himself in the reflection. The swelling appeared to be gone. "Thanks," he said, "I forgot that you could--"

    "Liu Xi told me you didn't want to ask me," Lara interrupted. "That you thought I might be angry after I yelled at you two guys in the garage." She sat on the edge of the desk and awaited a reply.

    "Maybe a little," Hatman admitted. "I guess I didn't want to hear an 'I told you so'."

    "Good news." Lara smiled at him. "I'm not going to give you one. So what was the fight about anyway?"

    "I was sick of Dominic's stupid pranks," Jay told her. "My job is difficult enough without having to deal with--"

    "Why don't you try laughing at them?" Lara asked him.

    Jay paused for a moment, trying to think of some reason why he didn't. The only one he could come up with was, "It just bugs me that he's somewhere laughing at me, and he doesn't understand what I have to deal with."

    "So tell him," Lara suggested plainly.

    Jay sat still for a moment or two, staring at Lara as she smiled warmly at him. "Do you always take complicated situations and try to make them sound so simple?"

    "Yup." Lara laughed and leaned back, placing her palms on the desk for balance. "Jay, but I have lots of friends, and they don't always get along. Guess who has to get them talking again?"

    "As I said, it's complicated, Lara. I can't get him to listen to me. I talk, and he acts like...well, like he always acts. And then we end up fighting."

    "Then refuse to fight, Jay," she suggested simplicity again.

    "He'd pound me. And then laugh at me."

    "And you think that would make him feel good about himself?" Lara asked. "You think he'd actually beat on someone who doesn't fight back?"

    Jay leaned back in his chair and pondered that for a moment. He nearly spoke before Lara said more.

    "You're both smart guys." Lara tilted her head as she said that, leaving the rest of the sentence implied.

    He nodded, but didn't say anything in reply. "Maybe you should talk to him too. It might help."

    She laughed. "Nah, because now that I talked to you first, he'll know you sent me, and that'll dilute the honesty of the whole thing."

    "You're odd, you know that?" Jay told her with a laugh, noting that she laughed too. "But that's okay. It adds to your charm."

    "Thanks, I guess." Lara slid off the desk, took a deep breath, and straightened herself. "I guess I should go bother someone else for a while."

    "You're not bothering me," Jay told her. "In fact, are you up for some light field work? Nothing exciting, just research."

    Lara nodded. "Sure."

TO BE CONTINUED



-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2006 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Post By Anime Jason Sat May 06, 2006 at 11:51:12 am EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Secrets Part 1

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